The Komeback Khronicles

The Biggest Setback of TBI: Memory Loss

Out of all the setbacks I’ve mentioned that come with a traumatic brain injury (TBI), ironically, I forgot to mention the biggest one of all: memory loss. Whether it’s short-term or long-term, both are equally challenging for those living with TBI. I wish I could say it gets better with time, but that would be a lie.

The Challenge of Retaining Memories

Not being able to retain memories is by far one of the toughest aspects for me. During my time in rehab and outpatient speech therapy, improving my memory was one of the main goals we focused on. To put things into perspective, my memory was so impaired in the hospital that every time I woke up, I asked my mother, “Where am I?” (That was the amnesia.)

Over time, I’ve made significant progress. While I still have a long way to go, I’ve developed an “it is what it is” attitude about it. Interestingly, I can remember events from my childhood—particularly my pre-adolescent years—better than my teenage years or anything beyond. My long-term memory is relatively solid, but my short-term memory? That’s where I struggle. It’s not completely terrible, but if I don’t use one of my memory techniques, I’m almost guaranteed to forget something shortly after it’s told to me.

Coping with Memory Loss: Techniques That Help

One technique I rely on to this day is repetition. Anytime someone tells me something I know is important, I repeat it continually in my head until it sticks. It’s not foolproof, but it helps tremendously.

I also make a habit of writing things down. Sticky notes are my go-to—placing them on my mirror is particularly effective because I can’t miss them when I’m getting ready for the day. I also keep a dry-erase calendar to track important dates, which has been incredibly helpful as a parent for managing school events and appointments. It gives me peace of mind and makes life feel a little more manageable.

The Pros and Cons of Forgetting

Experiencing memory loss obviously has its cons, but believe it or not, there are some pros as well. For one, I have no recollection of my accident at all. On the downside, loud noises make my heart race, and I experience blank flashbacks. I can’t be around loud noises too much because they make it difficult for me to focus, and I start feeling anxious.

As for the pros, the fact that I don’t have to relive my accident is a blessing. I don’t have to think about the panic that may have set in once I got hit, or feel the roof of my car slice my scalp, or my head banging on the steering wheel. Those aren’t memories I would want to keep. On a lighter note, I can’t remember what I forgot—so it doesn’t weigh on me as much.

Still, memory loss can be frustrating when friends and family try to jog my memory. They’ll tell the whole story, list names, and share details, but it still takes time for me to recall things. Sometimes, weeks later, I’ll have an epiphany, remember the story they told me, and finally recall it from my point of view.

Parenthood and the Motivation to Remember

Now that I have a child, I’ve made it my mission to remember everything I can, especially when it comes to her school events and milestones. I continually replay moments in my head—like the time I was in labor, her first day home, the time she spent with my grandmother, and everything from her newborn days.

Becoming a parent has motivated me in ways I never imagined when it comes to living with a TBI. When my daughter gets older, I plan to share my story with her. I want her to feel proud and think, “My mom survived a life-threatening accident, and now look at her—an inspiration to others. If she can accomplish so much with a TBI, then I can do anything too.”

Having a disability doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish your goals. It may take longer than I’d like, but every day I show up for myself, I get one step closer. My daughter doesn’t see or even understand my TBI. I try not to let it affect our day-to-day life. Some days, because of work, I get so mentally exhausted that I don’t have the energy to do activities with her like I’d want. But even then, on my good days, I make sure to make them count.

Finding New Ways to Hold Onto Memories

While I still have my struggles, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Memory loss has shaped my journey, but it doesn’t define me—and every day, I find new ways to make the moments that matter stick.

Recently, I’ve started taking more photos and videos so I can have memories to look back on. These little things help me keep the most important moments alive, even when my mind doesn’t always cooperate.

I may not remember everything, but I’ll never stop finding ways to hold onto what matters most.

Until next time,

-Kat